A Haiku and the Pictograph in Earth Language (EL) for this month
- November '03 -
"Goodnight Stars" by Debi Bender
This is an EL (Earth Language)
experimental page to enjoy
the image of a haiku/short poem originally in English/Japanese.
When you can't see the Japanese
parts, please don't mind and just skip those parts.
地球語の文字や文字絵を用いて詩的表現や翻訳を試みる実験のページです。
For this month, I'm using DW Bender's haiku for the second
time from one of my favorite web sites, "
Paper Lanterns" by her. Although I'm little shy because
her original art is much more beautiful. She is a visual artist,
haikuist and the editor of
World Haiku Review (WHR).
BTW, when I was reading WHR, I was impressed by her translations.
In many cases, sequences of words in a sentence in English and Japanese
are opposite; so for this corner, I have often translated haiku ignoring
the sequence of words. But
here: Hoshino Tsubaki's haiku, her translations are always so honest
to follow each line making sense in the total view. (it's possible!) In
the same page, Susumu Takiguchi sometimes translates changing sequence though.
For translating into EL, I have tried to be kind to English readers, but
from now on, I'd like to translate more honestly to the original like her,
at least I'll try. This time, the Japanese is also translated line by line.
I imagined this season through this haiku. The sky is endlessly deep
and I feel as if it sucks me up inside. But it's chilly and I miss blankets
to nestle myself in. Then this happens.
今月は、わたしのお気に入りサイト「
Paper Lanterns」のオーナーで、
World Haiku Review (WHR)の編集者でもあるデビ・ベンダーさんの作に２度目の登場をしてもらいます。画家でもある彼女の
元のサイトが素晴らしいので､恐縮ですが・・
ところで、WHRのなかの
この頁を読んでいて、デビさんの訳が１行ずつ忠実に順どおりに英語化され、しかもよくイメージを汲んでいるのに驚きました。ふつう、日本語と英語では語順が逆になることが多いのに､そうしなくても訳せるんだ！と、ちょっと新発見でした。
この俳句から、わたしは今ごろのシーズンを想いうかべました。どこまでも奥深い夜空に引き込まれそうになりながら、でも冷えてきてふとんのなかにもぐりこみたくなる・・それでこのシーンです。
Original haiku by DW Bender
goodnight, stars,
when I close my eyes
you are in them
Japanese:
お休み、星、目をとじると中にいる
EL:
{
opened,{
sense,
}feeling}:
pleasant, merrily, enjoy 快
{
(a part of the sun
),
other side, 
time}: night 夜
Greeting word and *
: greeting someone, calling *
(between two dots, pointing out to show calling *; here the greeting is
for "stars")
* goodnight, *, おやすみ * さん
( You can use 
the
all mighty greeting symbol instead of this way, too. )
{
the sun,
{
line,
same} the same kind}: star(s)(太陽の同類として：恒星)
(You can compound 
the plural mark on
the star symbol to show "stars", but here I took another way repeating
the same symbols. 星の記号に複数を示す記号を重ねる表現もできるが、ここでは､「星々」のような表現にした
)
: time とき
(As a modifying phrase, it could be compounded with the preposition
mark, but since the line separated with the subject of this sentence, and
in a poetical occasion, I left it out. 前置符を重ねて、述語を修飾することを示してもいいが､行が分かれていてまぎらわしくないので､ここでは省略している
)
....
: definition brackets with 
the preposition
mark; the content modifies the front word 前置符つきの表意括弧：中身が
前の語を修飾する
{
to form a pronoun, 
back}(related to
this hand-sign): I (in this case) わたし
: d-verb symbol to form a verb
動詞符
(picture-like fundamental
character): eye/eyes 目 (available to be compounded with
the plural mark, but in this case, it's not such important to be clear
for plural)
{
deny, opened}: closed 閉じた
: a verb with all of them, meaned "close my (the subject's of this sentence)
eyes"
（この文中の主語が）目をとじる
See the verb section for more
details about verbs. 動詞のコーナー
を参照してください
: (as the basis form) to show
the following word is the subject of a sentence 主語を示すマーク
{{
to form a pronoun,front}(you),
plural}: you (as plural) あなたたち
{
to show d-verb, 
existence}: be いる
{
inside, the preposition mark}: in
のなかに
{
, point}: it
("them" here) それ
(This also can be with as "them",
but EL is not so fussy about single/plural for general terms )
Thank you very much, DW Bender
, for the following note:
Once again, you honor me. Thank you for writing and for making a new EL
haiku with one of mine.
Also for the complements on my efforts with Mr. Takiguchi in translating
Tsubaki-san's haiku. I am glad you liked my versions.
For that work, Susumu provided the romaji with definition for each
Japanese word, along with his suggested, "raw" translation, and I worked
with the romaji as well as the kanji script and definitions (both his
and
what Japanese/English dictionaries offered). For some, he chose to keep
his
raw translation, and for others, my versions which were accomplished with
the basics he laid out for each, as well as some discussion on several
to
try to come up with the best interpretation for the versions.
I like the EL pictorial translation of my haiku which you made! It looks
just like the poem reads. I also like the way you wrote it in EL with
two
symbols for "star" instead of a plural sign. The EL verse is much more
poetic looking that way!!!
Poem Home (Back numbers) .
EL Home . 地球語ホーム
. EL Dictionary(地球語字典)
.
to the editor